More People Will Use Cocaine Than Read a Book to Their Children

Jim Halpert:	Yous await beautiful today, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute:	Cheers, daughter.

Dwight Schrute:	Let's go over some symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? You tell me who this sounds similar. Wearisome moving. Inattentive. Dull. Constantly snacking. Shows a lack of motivation.
Kevin:	Hey!

Dwight Schrute:	I didn't know that you lot were at a party on Sabbatum night.
Ryan:	I go to... a lot of parties.
Dwight Schrute:	Ok, I'k going to need to search your machine. Give me your keys.
Ryan:	I am non giving yous my keys.
Dwight Schrute:	Don't make me do this the hard mode.
Ryan:	What's the hard way?
Dwight Schrute:	I go downwards to the police force station on my lunch pause. I tell a police officer - I know several - what I suspect you may accept in your automobile. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will bulldoze over hither and brand you give him the keys to your car, and you will accept to obey him.
Ryan:	Yeah, let'due south do it that style.

Dwight Schrute:	Do you know what this is? [slides a photograph of marijuana to Phyllis]
Phyllis:	Yes, it's marijuana.
Dwight Schrute:	How exercise you know that?
Phyllis:	It's labeled.

Creed:	[when asked to ID a photograph of marijuana] That is Northern Lights, cannabis indica.
Dwight Schrute:	[sighs with disappointment] No. It's marijuana.

Oscar:	So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd beloved to hear it.
Jim Halpert:	Oh, um. [imitating Stanley] Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nada to do with me?
Stanley:	[coming out of the bathroom] Is that supposed to be me?
Jim Halpert:	Oh, hey Stanley. I was just doing an impression.
Stanley:	I do not call back that is funny.
Pam Beasley:	He does everyone in the function.
	[Stanley leaves]
Jim and Pam:	[both imitating Stanley] I practice not recollect that is funny.
Pam Beasley:	Jinx, buy me a Coke.
Jim Halpert:	Oh--
Pam Beasley:	No no no. No talking.

Dwight Schrute:	Kevin, what prescription drugs are you taking, also Rogaine?
Kevin:	... I'm non taking Rogaine.

Michael Scott:	This year, more people will apply cocaine than will read a volume to their children.
Stanley:	Where did y'all get these facts?
Michael Scott:	Are these facts scaring you, or are they non?
Stanley:	They are not.

Jim Halpert:	I'm just saying that you tin't be certain it wasn't you lot.
Dwight Shrute:	That's ridiculous. Of grade it wasn't me.
Jim Halpert:	Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember.
Dwight Shrute:	I would remember.
Jim Halpert:	Well, how could you if it just erased your memory?
Dwight Shrute:	That's not how it works!
Jim Halpert:	Now how do y'all know how it works?
Dwight Shrute:	Knock it off, okay? I'm interviewing you!
Jim Halpert:	No! You lot said I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here! At present, exactly how much pot did you smoke?
	[Dwight looks shocked]

Michael Scott:

[imitating stoner] Dude, where'southward my office? I totally lost information technology...because I was one-half-baked, smoking doobies. Doobie Brothers. Smoking doobies with my brothers...Peace out, Seacrest!

Kelly:	And the guys are saying, "Chug chug chug!" but I'm so small, and all I'd eaten that day was one of those Auntie Ann pretzels from the nutrient court. And so I said, "Is it ok if I sip it?" and they said "No". But Ryan seemed cool either manner.
Dwight Schrute:	[Slams fist on table] Finish! This is not Kelly Kapoor story 60 minutes. Illegal drugs were consumed on company belongings. Okay! Your ass is on the line Mister. My ass is on the line. At present I'thousand going to ask you lot once more, what time did you get habitation last night?
Kelly:	Six.

Dwight Schrute:

Oscar visited United mexican states when he was five to nourish his great-grandmothers funeral. What does that mean to the U.s. police force enforcement officer? He'south a potential drug mule.

Ryan:

I don't think Michael's e'er done drugs. I don't know if anyone has ever offered him any.

Pam Beesly:

What? [Jim shakes his caput] Did yous want to tell me something? You await like you want to tell me something. [Jim shakes his head no] You look similar you take something really of import to say and you just can't for some reason. [Jim smiles] Come up on, yous tin tell me. Jim, y'all can tell me annihilation. [Jim stops grinning and looks down. Pam wonders what that means]

Pam Beesly:	[placing a coke tin can in forepart of Jim] Here. [Jim looks dislocated] Merely purchase information technology from me. I haven't talked to you in hours and it's been weird and I really want to know what the hell's going on with Dwight. [Pam scoots the coke can towards Jim. Jim pulls out his wallet and hands Pam a dollar. He gives the coke back to Pam]
Jim Halpert:	Hi.
Pam Beesly:	Hey.
Jim Halpert:	How much time do yous have left on your break?
Pam Beesly:	Ten minutes.

Jim Halpert:

Wow. What a terrible day to not exist able to talk. Dwight was literally carrying effectually his own urine and dressed like one of the Village People. Why does he do the things that he does for Michael? I simply don't get it. What is he getting out of that relationship?

Dwight Schrute:	Hi, Linda. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Director. Y'all might call up testing my urine a few years back when I was applying to exist a volunteer sheriff's deputy.
Linda:	We exam a lot of urine.
Dwight Schrute:	Mine was green.
Linda:	Oh, right. How are y'all?
Dwight Schrute:	I'm all better.

Michael Scott:	Drugs ruin lives people. Drugs destroy careers. Accept Cheech and Chong everybody knows that Cheech and Chong are funny, but simply imagine how funny they would be if they didn't smoke pot. I want everybody to take a wait to their left. At present I want everybody to take a wait to their right. One of those people volition be dead from drug use at some point in their lives. This year more people volition utilise cocaine than will read a book to their children.
Stanley:	Where did you get these facts?
Michael Scott:	Are these facts scaring you, or are they not?
Stanley:	They are not.
Michael Scott:	Exercise you think that smoking drugs is absurd? Do you think that doing booze is cool?
Stanley:	No, I don't. I have a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week. For the antioxidants.
Michael Scott:	Okay, plenty, enough, enough! I accept written downward a listing of illegal drugs. Have a gander. How many of these are you familiar with?
Toby:	Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael.
Michael Scott:	Yes it is.
Toby:	No it's not. It'due south a type of pipage. You can make full information technology with tobacco, oft mixed with fruit, or other flavors.
Michael Scott:	Okay, you know what, Toby? Pam, can you take this down? [Pam throws her hands up to indicate she has no notepad] In add-on to Toby'due south urine being tested, I would similar to exam his claret and his hair.
Toby:	Y'all tin't do that.
Michael Scott:	I can examination anyone randomly, and I have called you randomly.
Toby:	That's not random.
Michael Scott:	Okay, eeny, meenie, miney, moe, is random. Okay, y'all know what? I'm going to need a volunteer to select ane of these words and tell us of something tragic that happened in either their lives, or the lives of a loved 1. [Pam lifts her easily up] Yep, Pam.
Pam Beesly:	I know that Jim has an amazing story well-nigh a relative of his who got caught up in the world of drugs.
Michael Scott:	Really? [Jim shakes his head no]
Pam Beesly:	Uh, hmmm.
Michael Scott:	Jim it's okay. You can t... [Jim looks at Pam and shakes his head, Pam looks at him and gestures for Jim to get upwardly and tell his story] This would be a good place to let it out, Jim. These are people y'all tin trust. These are people who care nigh you. [Jim shakes his caput no] Information technology'southward okay, just we will not judge you. We are here to non judge you lot. [Jim stands up] Oh, he'southward doing it, okay. [Jim looks at Pam] It'south okay. [Jim pretends to endeavor, looking teary eyed, shakes his head no, mouths "I can't" and sits back downwardly. Pam is amazed.] Oh. Okay, are you lot sure? [Jim shakes his head. Kevin pats his shoulder] That looked similar information technology was going to be good. Alright. [Pam nods in admiration at Jim] Okay, well.
	[cutting to talking head]
Pam Beesly:	Wow! He actually pulled out the large guns. Fake crying. Did not expect that.

Jim and Pam:	[in unison] I exercise not remember that is funny.
Pam Beesly:	Jinx! Buy me a coke.
Jim Halpert:	Oh...
Pam Beesly:	No, no, no, no talking. Jim is not allowed to talk until subsequently he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid. [Jim puts money in drinkable motorcar, option is sold out]
Pam Beesly:	Sold out? That has never happened in the history of jinx.
Jim Halpert:	[mouths] C'mon!
Pam Beesly:	Sorry, that'southward not my problem.
Jim Halpert:	[presses potable button, looks at camera, makes Jim-confront]

Dwight Schrute:

My begetter'southward name was Dwight Schrute. My granddaddy's name was Dwight Schrute. His father's proper name Dwide Schrude. Amish. I loved my father very much. Every morning he'd wake up at dawn and make united states of america biscuits with gravy. When I was little my dad and I played a lot of games together. My dad cheated a lot but I never busted him on information technology. I would take, except I didn't know about information technology. He didn't tell me till years afterwards. I was shocked when I found out.

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Source: http://www.theofficequotes.com/season-2/drug-testing/sort/date-asc

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